The Onion ( @TheOnion ) Twitter Profile


The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

Joined on 4 March, 2008

  • 39.5k Tweets
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Despite warnings from the CDC to stay home, Thanksgiving may as usual be the busiest travel period of the year, as nearly 1 million Americans passed through airport screenings on Sunday. #WhatDoYouThink?

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To see more unmatched reporting, visit

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New Historical Evidence Suggests Most Pilgrims Sailed Back Home To Celebrate First Thanksgiving

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Purity Ring Powerless Against Cody

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Find the perfect gift for that special anyone at the Onion Store.

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White House Guests Sprayed With Viscera After Pardoned Turkey Wanders Into Landscaping Crew’s Wood Chipper

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Staff Slowly Introducing Biden To Oval-Shaped Rooms For Smoother Transition To White House

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GM will comply with a National Highway Traffic Safety Commission order to replace faulty airbag inflators in 7 million trucks and SUVs worldwide, a recall which the company estimates will cost $1.2 billion dollars. #WhatDoYouThink?

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‘Toy Story’ Turns 25

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Grief Psychologists Say Best Way To Cope With Death In The Family Is Dropping 50 In NBA Game

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Health Department Adds Steps To Heimlich Maneuver Poster Where Choking Victim Finishes Food They Coughed Up

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Facts Carefully Redacted From Travel Story To Avoid Revealing It Mission Trip

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Anti-Jacketers Rally Outside Burlington Coat Factory To Protest Liberal Cold Weather Conspiracy

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Giuliani Wheels Straitjacket-Wearing Trump Into Courtroom In Bid To Win Election With Insanity Defense

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CDC Shuts Down Thanksgiving Travel By Carrying Out Simultaneous Attacks On All Of Nation’s Airports, Train Stations

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Report: At Least Flight Home To Be Little Less Crowded

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Leading infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci told USA TODAY that Santa Claus has an innate immunity to Covid-19 and cannot spread infection to others. #WhatDoYouThink?

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For more exemplary journalism, visit

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Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

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